Fun Star: Athletics department announces new plan to raise hockey attendance

release the bears

The Nanook expresses his frustration at the new policy, which would introduce live polar bears to UAF Hockey. “They’re putting me out of a job,” Nook, UAF’s current mascot, said. “How can I pawsibly compete with actual bears? It’s like they’re the cheer captains while I’m in the bleachers.” – Molly Putman / Fun Star

Molly Putman / Layout Editor

As part of a new marketing strategy to gain student interest in UAF hockey games, UAF Athletics announced they will be releasing live polar bears on the rink to “spice things up.” UAF Athletics department has been looking to increase student attendance to UAF Hockey events, and Athletics staff are confident that this new initiative will really appeal to students.

“I think this is really going to bring students and the community together and create a greater feeling of school pride,” Zach Hurst, Athletics Assistant AD for Marketing and Promotions, said. “In polls, we’ve found that students enjoy seeing players fight during a game. Seeing those same players fight actual polar bears is going to be really great for our school spirit.”

Whether the new policy will bring the UAF Hockey team together or literally tear it apart remains to be seen. Some community members expressed concern over the grizzly repercussions of releasing wild carnivorous animals in the same area as UAF Hockey players. 

“Our team really works hard out there, and I think the possible boost in attendance isn’t worth the risk of our boys being ripped apart by wild beasts,” Granny Nanook, a local UAF hockey fan, said. “The thought of it is just unbearable.”

Despite the concern, researchers from the department of biology and wildlife insist that the bears pose no pawsible threat to students.

“We’ve found that these polar bears have only developed a taste for UAA student blood,” Brian Barnes, professor of zoophysiology, said. “Four out of five times those bears will go straight for our enemies. Our hockey team should have nothing to fear. Go Nanooks.”

“Release the bears,” Gary Gray, UAF Director of Athletics, said regarding the new policy. “RELEASE THE BEARS.”

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