Fun Star: Regents announce UAF’s 250th anniversary
This article is a work of satire, and is not intended to be taken seriously in any way. Any resemblance to actual events is purely coincidental, and any quotes should not be regarded with any degree of seriousness.
The university is gearing up to celebrate its 250th anniversary next year, following a vote by the Board of Regents.
“UAF is a touchstone of state history and serves a vital role in the community,” said Gloria O’Neill, chair of the board. “We felt that importance would be further emphasized had the school been founded in 1768.”
Currently UAF is celebrating its 100th anniversary, despite the school only having been open for classes since 1922. Under the new founding date, the university’s establishment predates the purchase of Alaska by 99 years.
“This move really puts our commitment to Native and foreign exchange students front and center,” said Jim Johnsen, an unfamiliar-looking man who claimed to be UA system president. “Particularly because there were only Native and Russian students here when the school opened.”
Festivities for next year’s 250th anniversary celebrations include barbecues, a tour of the unoccupied room that used to house the university archives and a float in the yearly Golden Days Parade. Lectures focusing on school contributions to American history, including faculty and students who volunteered for the Revolutionary War of 1776, are also scheduled.
As of press time, the regents announced they were considering setting UAA’s founding date to 1618, which would make the Anchorage campus the oldest educational institution in the United States.