Fun Star: Unfamiliar man claims to lead university

This article is a work of satire, and is not intended to be taken seriously in any way. Any resemblance to actual events is purely coincidental, and any quotes should not be regarded with any degree of seriousness.


Who Even is This Johnsen.jpg

This man, allegedly identified as Jim Johnson (possibly spelled Johnsen), may be in charge of the entire UA System. Asking students about this elusive subject have resulted with very little useful information. Josh Hartman / Fun Star Photo credit: Josh Hartman

A man going by the name of Jim Johnsen says that he’s in charge of the university system. The nature of these claims are difficult to establish, as he is not known to be a member of the board of regents. Permanent chancellors, meanwhile, are considered to be mythological, as no living specimens have been found.

“Johnsen? I don’t know any Johnsen and that guy doesn’t look familiar,” biology student Alex Kristoffersson said. “I have my gmail set up to put official emails in a separate folder where they don’t clutter up my inbox. I’ll read those, well some of them, eventually.”

The man is alleged to be making an appearance at the next Board of Regents meeting, the date and time of which is not predetermined. Why he will attend and how he will arrive, investigators have been unable to determine.

“I care,” Johnsen said, in recent interview with the Fun Star, “about the university.”

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