KSUA 91.5 Notes: Zombies are ruining lives, we can't let them ruin music too
Brady Gross/Sun Star Columnist
April 9, 2013
I’ve become a little terrified. There are people lurking around campus with Nerf guns. It’s become apparent that there is an impending zombie attack here at the UAF campus and I’m not sure how to handle it. April Fool’s Day has come and gone and this isn’t a Fun Star story. I discovered last week I suck at coming up with satirical stories anyways. This is real.
Between the new UAF Humans vs. Zombies war, The Walking Dead finale and the premiere of the new remake of Evil Dead in theaters last weekend, I realized that appropriate music has always been an essential part of showcasing a proper gory death. I began to fantasize about what songs would accompany certain situations. This is all of course assuming we live our lives like movies and life is truly like “500 Days of Summer.”
Would an epic Arcade Fire sprawl like “We Used to Wait” suffice to depict my limbs stretching for each step towards survival from a zombie army? There is a lot to consider here. I don’t particularly want to go out with the cheesy “Top Gun” anthem “Highway to the Danger Zone.”
I’ve got to consider my theoretical significant other as well. Do we die together in each other’s arms waiting for our flesh to rot, and if so, what song is going to justifiably showcase our everlasting love? While undeniably popular, imagining a director chose Justin Beiber’s “Baby” to capture the mood is just as sickening as actually surviving and Beiber being the only other human left. I think Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” could really do my emotional depth some justice.
There’s many ways you could portray survival as well. An appropriate celebratory cocky anthem like Destiny’s Child’s “Survivor” might be in order. Maybe something a little more appreciative like Jimmy Cliff’s “I Can See Clearly Now” is a better fit. Life’s looking up regardless, right?
When it comes right down to it though, “My Body’s a Zombie For You” by Dead Man’s Bones, is about as ritualistic as you can get when embracing the expiration of life itself. I mean, Ryan Gosling sings to you in a creepy seductive voice with hordes of children chorusing, “My body’s a zombie for you!” in the background over and over.
Screw the music – it could be silent and I really wouldn’t care how I was killed, if it was a Ryan Gosling zombie doing the deed.