Best Letter to the Editor Ever
In your April, 10, 2012 edition of the Sun Star Police Blotter, you spoke about a horse who had his bike stolen. I would like you to know that that horse was no horse at all…but a real life human. Normally, I would not comment on your horrible transgressions against the horse kind, but since I happen to be privy to the fact that this gentlemen happens to have a really long “horse-esq” face and was teased greatly for it as a child, I must call you out of your horrible inaccuracies. You see equestrians, or horses to the lay person, are quite different from humans. The horse (Equus ferus caballus) is a single-hooved ungulated quadruped that is similar to minotaurs, centaurs, zebras, and unicorns. Humans, or people to the lay person, are eukaryotic bipedal mammals that create symbiotic societies and feed primarily off the flesh of other animals. Humans are unique from horses because they possess sapience and are able to build devastating robots that possess no conscience and can destroy all creatures. I suggests next time you do your research before calling a human a horse.
You are right, there was indeed a horse in the blotter, but none of us can figure out how it got there. We suspect an equine conspiracy. Thank you for your vigilance and we will do our best to keep horses out of future blotters unless they break the law on campus.