Miss Euphoria: Controversy


Miss Euphoria/Sun Star Columnist
Sept. 23, 2013

Why are you such a whore?

Tuition is going up.


Why are you spewing sex advice when there are real issues, like with Syria, going on in the world?

First of all, I am very passionate about things, like, such as Syria. I love the unusual name, and I’m so happy that she got adopted. This really is a real issue and I’m glad you brought it up. I will say, Brad and Angelina are probably great parents but I think they’ve adopted too many kids as it is. I drew the line when they tried to adopt that other boy, what was his name? Iran?


What is your advice for an introvert looking for love? I see men I’m interested in but get sick at the thought of talking or even smiling. Until now, I’ve just told myself that people like me can’t be loved.

People like you CAN’T be loved. Face your fears and change your life. Oops, I forgot to sugar coat that for you but I know you can take it. Don’t let “being an introvert” stop you from finding your happiness. I suggest reinventing your self-image. Introverts need time alone, sure, but don’t let that become your excuse for being lonely. Start smiling, start talking and start putting yourself out there.


I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for about a year now. I’m really into dirty talk and he used to be too but recently he told he doesn’t want to call me “bitch” during sex because he feels it’s degrading to women. He’s taking a sexualities class and I’m pretty sure that is where his consciousness is coming from. How do I encourage him to go back to talking dirty during sex without discouraging him from his new found feminism?

What you two do in your private life is nobody’s business (except mine if you want to send me a video of the filth). Dirty talk is delicious and he shouldn’t feel bad about using it alone with you. I wonder if he’s in the same sexualities class as I am because, if he is, that has been said. What’s the fun in taking such a great class if you’re not going to listen the whole time?


Miss Euphoria, my boyfriend has told me that it’s an insult in his culture to be asked to wear a condom. Am I really being that unreasonable by asking him to wear one? What should I do? I don’t want to be inconsiderate?

Your boyfriend sounds like one manipulative manhole. You should call his bluff and then break up with him. Someone who’s hiding behind their cultural identity to have unsafe sex definitely needs a reality check. Deliver it and walk away!


Miss Euphoria, I am not connected to the same campus circles that you must frequent and don’t know about the latest sex crazes. Could you share a few so that I could get as perverted as you seem to be?

Sure! One thing that is huge this fall is that new game “hide the fingers.” It is best played with three or more people and promises to bring lots of excitement. Also, I’ve been hearing reports that the notorious sustainable spork is being used for more than a good meal on the go. Whatever you use it for, please avoid the fork end. That’s all for now, darlings!


Need some advice? Submit your questions at Miss Euphoria’s Facebook page

Miss Euphoria, whose confusion with the terminology “Bachelor’s” in academia lead her all the way into her sophomore year, currently holds an eight-inch GPA.

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