Miss Euphoria: Editor in Chief…FINALLY
This piece is from the April 1 issue, our April Fool’s Day edition of the newspaper: The Fun Star. It is intended as satire and not meant to be taken seriously. All information and quotes were made up.
Miss Euphoria/ Editor-in-Chief
April 1, 2014
With the sweeping changes happening around campus, the Sun Star has decided to add one more to that list.
Yes, I, Miss Euphoria, have been appointed as the new Editor-in-Chief, but that is not all!
The Sun Star that you know and glance at occasionally is over! In its place is a new way of communicating the news: through free music (and you’re going to love it too)! That’s right, kids, our new slogan is: “if we sing it, you know it, if we write it, you can’t read!”
In case you haven’t noticed, reading is kind of totally over. In its place, television and music have come, and it looks like they are here to stay a while. The Sun Star has fully embraced this realization and will begin producing what some are calling “factual musicals.” We will not be changing our name, but we will be changing our message. Each week, under my new and superior leadership, there will be CDs dispersed out around campus and then posted as free downloads on our website.
The University has leaped on board with our decision and is fully backing us up because it is very cost effective and will help a few people out of jobs. Collaboration, of course, will be necessary. The Sun Star has commandeered the KSUA recording studio as our headquarters, and we have already begun recording, but we will need support from the Music Department.
Some jobs will be created and some will be cut. We are currently seeking a stage yodeler to perform campus news in the Wood Center. This job will help replace at least half a dozen reporters and save 10s of dollars. We are also seeking quiet musicians to play instruments as background noise to our news reports, but they really do need to know how to play quietly.
This change was supposed to happened sooner, but our most recent Editor wasn’t as competent at seeing how to reach people with the news and was nervous about the switch. When reached for comment, she still held that University students should be and presently were literate and able to read. Our new staff knows this to be inaccurate.
If you would like to be a part of the new news staff, we will welcome you with open arms (after an open audition of course) and we will see you… or rather hear you very soon. In the meantime, we would like to remind our readership that this is the last print issue from us that you will ever see. Fortunalately ta need for a copy editer is no longger nessissery n weve – uve curse – let um go! Thank you for reading this and you will be hearing from us soon.
~ Miss Euphoria