Miss Euphoria: Realness


Miss Euphoria/Sun Star Columnist
Oct. 21, 2013

What’s wrong with me? I am still single in my junior year even though plenty of guys have had sex with me. I think they just view me as something to put their dick inside. What am I doing wrong?

You’re over-thinking your sex life darling, but there’s nothing wrong with you. One night stands aren’t for everyone, especially if they make you feel so bad about yourself. Get yourself out of this funk with some shower karaoke and then focus on dates instead of hookups. If that doesn’t work I could always introduce you to my friend J. King Hoff. College is a rough place for relationships but with his help, you’ll do just fine.


What can I do? I need sex every minute.

Masturbate. Also find multiple people to have sex with so you don’t exhaust one person.


Miss Euphoria, my ex and I have been having rec-sex for a while now. I know he has a girlfriend but apparently she’s more vanilla than me and he can’t do the stuff he’s into with her. Am I being a great ex or a monster slut?

Neither, this is boring and cliche. I assume that you broke up for a good reason. Respect that, back off and move on.


Miss Euphoria, I just started seeing someone and I’m falling for them pretty fast. We’ve been seeing each other every day and I feel like I’ve been living in a dream world. This was just made very apparent because we just became friends on Facebook and I saw on there that he was married. We are both in our early 20s and he’d mentioned he’d had a bad break up about a year ago. I feel so shocked and weirded out right now and I’m not sure how to feel. Should I ask him about it?

Slow down the crazy. This is not the end of the world (that happened last year). To put it simply, your feelings are ridiculous and do not matter. Allowing you to add him on Facebook was his way of telling you about this previous marriage. It was also his way of telling you that marriage is not a big deal to him and does not matter in general. (Don’t even get me started on my own opinion on marriage). Feel free to bring it up with him but bring it up in a casual and rational conversation but don’t be accusative. You are both getting to know each other and it’s not a dream. Wake up and expect reality.


You should put something in your column about it all being a sick twisted joke from a fat fucked-up fag-queen. You are gross and confusing.

Say it darling, say it again!


I am honestly disappointed with this column because a lot of the advice is bad. One in particular I was not a fan of was the story of the person whose boyfriend stated it was an insult to his culture to wear a condom. I actually found your response to be very demeaning and insensitive to cultural differences and beliefs. How the heck were you allowed a column when you don’t even respect different cultures or beliefs? You are being intolerant to this issue and I find it very wrong.

I thought the above comment was important to include. Have a great week everyone (and thanks for all the “confessions” and compliments).


Questions? Ask Miss Euphoria here.

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