Miss Euphoria’s Advice: Endowment

Miss Euphoria in article

Miss Euphoria/Sun Star Columinst
Dec. 10, 2013

Miss Euphoria, my boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years now. His birthday is coming up soon and I want to surprise him with a blowjob. The problem is, I haven’t ever done it before. I tried practicing with a banana and almost throw up. Do you know of anything I can do so that I don’t gag? Your help would be lovely.

Cancel your plans for that birthday surprise. Successfully performing fellatio for the first time… it’s probably not going to happen especially if you’ve already gagged on a banana! Change it into a week long training-for-draining camp and learn how to do it like a pro. That way you both win: you get to give him a fantastic gift, he gets blowjobs for a week, and you both can communicate to each other what you like.

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Euphoria, my girlfriend keeps reading some column in The Sun Star and getting some freaky ideas. How do I tell her that I’m not interested in that weird sexual stuff and want to save myself for marriage?  

What an adorable idea to wait for marriage… never heard of THAT before. I think the column’s contents would make great conversation about the sex you intend to have when you choose to. Reading the column can be a fun way of discussing typically awkward sexual topics without having to make them uncomfortable for either of you. You can use the columns contents to tell her your ideals for marriage and in turn find out how she feels. Good luck, don’t fu…forget to communicate.

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Miss Euphoria, my rather endowed boy toy is having a problem keeping an erection with a condom on. We got extra large ones from the bookstore but had the same problem. What is your advice to a responsible but randy lady who wants it real bad?

Use a female condom. Why does nobody talk about female condoms? If they doesn’t fix the problem look into latex free condoms just in case he has a slight reaction to it. I feel like the female condom idea is great best because they shouldn’t cut off his circulation at all (which I think is the problem here).

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Miss Euphoria, my girlfriend has a strangling fetish. She has talked to me about how she can’t even cum unless someone’s holding her neck. I feel really misogynistic whenever I try, though. What can I do?

First of all, it’s not misogynistic if you’re having conversations about it and she wants to be choked, although I can definitely see your point. You should feel free to practice together and both learn each other’s limits. If that type of sexual control doesn’t feel right to you maybe you both can figure something else out. I’m just happy that you’re talking about it; that’s kind of cute.

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My pen is up. That’s all for this semester!

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