Miss Euphoria: Relationship sex advice

misseuphoria

Miss Euphoria/Sun Star Columnist
Nov. 4, 2013

Hi Miss Euphoria, I love pegging my husband-to-be, but he says it just makes him feel like he needs to pee. I’ve tried all sorts of angles and the strap-on should be long/thick enough. Am I doing it wrong, or is it just not something he’ll ever enjoy?

I am not a fan of strap-ons. Why use a strap-on when you have a perfectly good elbow? But to each her own. I notice you didn’t mention lube. Use lube for sure! I don’t think you can ever use too much, especially on a newb. Also, try foreplay with a double-ended dildo or, as I mentioned before, a greased-up elbow.

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My partner has requested that I eat her out, but I have never done that. It’s not something that I’m opposed to, but it makes me nervous. Do you have any good tips for making it good? She gives great head, so I want to be able to do this good for her.

The trendy new way to go down on a girl is to mouth the words to “The Fox (What does the fox say?)” by Ylvis while you’re down under. Oh, there was also recently a great tutorial for this exact thing done at the VMAs by Miley Cyrus. What she does with her tongue is exactly what you should be doing when you’re going down on your girlfriend.

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Miss Euphoria, my boyfriend likes to take me into the shower and pee on me. I used to find this disgusting but have started to enjoy it because it really turns him on. Watching him be so turned on made me think about it a lot, and now I want to try it. Is it fine to mention that to him and ask if I could return the favor?

Golden showers in the Golden Heart City–my heart is warmed! Of course you can ask him. Since he has that fetish, he should totally understand someone wanting to experiment with it too! Things could get crazy… I hope you have a blast!

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Dear Miss Euphoria, don’t get me wrong, I’ve been having the best sex in years since I’ve been in Alaska, but I just can’t help noticing that every woman I’ve been with has just been smelly down there. And I LOVE to munch it up, but with all these bad encounters I’ve had, I am now hesitant to even go down anymore.

The curious stench of a ripe Alaskan, aw yes, I know the smell well! It smells a little funky, but if you can’t handle the halibut, what are you doing on the fishing vessel? I’m kidding–a fun alternative to being an asshole is suggesting a shower together. Make it a fun and sexy conversation. Don’t accuse or be rude. Speak up, eat out and enjoy that crunch-clean taco.

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Miss Euphoria, my girlfriend and I are expanding our sexual activities, and we thoroughly enjoyed your last suggestions. Do you have more you could bestow on the rest of us poor horny college students? The spork only lasts for so long.

Eyeball licking is huge this winter. People wanting to show off their sexual experimentalism will be getting pink eye left and right! It’s been described as the hickey of the eye. It’s pretty much amazing. Also this month is Naughty November so check out facebook.com/EraofEuphoria for fun new fetishes to try out and don’t forget to like the page! I’ll try to post them weekly so all you nymphos can have something that’s just a bit strange.

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