Miss Euphoria: Boyfriends

misseuphoria

Miss Euphoria/Sun Star Columnist
Sept. 17, 2013

Miss Euphoria, my girlfriend told me that my cum hasn’t tasted good recently. She suggested that I ask you for a solution. Is there something I can do to make it taste good for her? PS: I thought you were a hot girl at first; it’s confusing.

Funky spunk? Been there, swallowed that. YES, there is a cure. Buy some fresh pineapple and eat it 12 to 24 hours before your… activities. It won’t just be good, it will be great, delicious and nutritious. She will slurp it up. Oh, and try sharing the pineapple with her too.

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Hey, I don’t have a boyfriend but I am a very sexual person. How do you feel about people using vegetables as sex objects?

When God created cucumbers, she created them for two purposes: to taste great in water and to be inserted into several orifices when convenient and appropriate. Do it, but put a condom on them first for your own protection. Please remember: nothing brittle should diddle your skittle.

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My boyfriend just admitted to me that he masturbates regularly when I’m not around. I am trying to be the cool college girlfriend and be fine with it but it makes me feel inadequate Am I doing something wrong? He asked me if I would want him to stop and I’m not sure what to say to him.

Sex should be fun for everyone involved. If his masturbation is intimidating you, talk it out. It sounds, to me, as if he knows your sex drive isn’t as intense as his and is taking matters into his own hands. *wink* If you want to be a part of this experience with him use your hands, lips and throat and drive him crazy.

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Miss Euphoria, my boyfriend is constantly sending me dick pics and I can’t stand it. I’m not really as visual as he is, I guess, but I thoroughly enjoy other things. What do I do?

The Holy Spearit would say use Phonography and since I love Britney so much I’m going to agree with her. Phone sex is your weapon, the next time he sends a dick pic, call him immediately.

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Euphoria, I’ve been dating my man for seven years and want to spice things up. What should I do?

First of all, do Kegel exercises. You both benefit from it and your control down there will drive him wild. Also barking is huge this month. Casually barking during sex will make you irresistible, there’s a video about it. Bonus points if you get him to bark too! The exercises are amazing. Personally I have gone “black” and have been able to “come back.”

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My boyfriend is a straight “A” student who works hard for good grades but when he’s finished with homework he would rather read Harry Potter books than mess around with me. What do I do to get him to put down the books and penetrate me?

Tell him he needs to quidditch. I suggest getting an HP costume and waiting for him in bed. When he gets home, open your Gryffin-door and let him Slytherin. He will be Raven about it for weeks.

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2 Responses

  1. Ashleigh says:

    This. This is amazing.

  2. Brianna says:

    Miss Euphoria, your eloquently stated advice makes me yearn for more. Keep it cumming 😉

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