My Life in College: Girls

Moral Mildred/Sun Star Columnist
November 20, 2012

Sometimes I wonder if I’m good at being a girl. I don’t like talking about my emotions, I don’t know how to curl hair and I have never owned a skirt in my life. I have no idea what ‘flirting’ is, because I treat everyone with the same amount of sarcasm, I hate Twilight – and I only ever read Cosmo when I need a laugh. That being said, there are some things I simply don’t understand about girls. I’ve thought about this some and have come up with a short list of things I personally find strange about the female gender.

1. Retail Therapy. I have been poor the entirety of my adult life, so the concept of spending a bunch of money in order to make yourself feel better blows my mind. I can hardly go to the store and buy shampoo without wanting to cry, never mind splurging on six new pairs of shoes. Not to mention, I absolutely loathe trying on clothes. The process takes so much effort that by the time I’m halfway through it I don’t even care anymore. First, you have to find clothes, and then wander around the store until you find someone to let you in a dressing room–because no one is ever there when you want one–and then take all your clothes off. I got tired just writing that. To add insult to injury, once we have the clothes on, we all just stand in front of the mirror and judge ourselves or better yet, bring a bunch of friends to do the judging for us until we have been convinced we look hideous and end up not buying anything at all. I still don’t understand how this process is supposed to be “therapeutic.”

2. High Heels. I cannot wear high heels to save my life and I’m not exaggerating. If someone threatened me with death unless I walked around in a pair of stilettos, I would die. This is super unfortunate because I love high heels and also because I’m super vertically challenged. Thus, I own high heels, but I never wear them. They just sit in my closet and I stare at them longingly. I have a huge amount of respect for girls that can wear high heels, and I also hate them a little bit. But the part that I find to be really baffling, is that women will willingly choose to wear six inch heels on ice and snow, wobbling around precariously, always three seconds away from a sprained ankle, when they have much safer options like sneakers or boots. I seriously don’t understand this. Someone explain it to me.

3. We spend a lot of time every day so we can look good. In all honesty, I don’t find anything strange about wanting to look your best. The part that I find to be really weird, is that girls don’t usually spend all this time putting on their “hot girl disguises” for men. No, we make ourselves smell good and look pretty for the sake of other girls. Every single girl knows that when she goes out into the world, guys are not going to care if her purse matches her shoes, or if her eyebrows are plucked. But every single girl does know that every other female she meets is going to be judging the hell out of every fashion, makeup, and accessory decision that was made. Why do girls care how other girls look? I have absolutely no idea.

4. We use our periods to justify our actions. Granted, periods suck and can wreak havoc with our hormones, but girls tend to use it as a fall back excuse for general bad behavior. A girl screams at her boyfriend or another friend for absolutely no reason. It’s okay, she’s on her period. Or, she ate twenty-five Twix bars. No worries, it’s just that time of the month. Perhaps she called in sick to work and skipped all her classes. That’s  justified because she is bleeding out of her vagina. Excuse me, what? Why is it suddenly okay to act like a starving asylum escapee four days out of the month because of a perfectly natural and constant cycle of our bodies? I have absolutely no idea, but I do know that girls tend to get away with a lot of not-so-kosher behavior when they are on their periods.

Trust me, the list could go on. Girls can be strange and mysterious creatures. Take if from a fellow female: we do some weird stuff.

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