My Life in College: The Stages of a Hangover

Moral Mildred/Sun Star Columnist
February 26, 2013

You’re out with friends, having a game night, playing pool, singing karaoke and drinking beer, and then someone brings out a bottle of tequila. Even though you know what happens when you drink tequila, you somehow end up drinking tequila. You’re warm and fuzzy, the world is gently spinning, you feel invincible, happy and all is right with the world.

And then you wake up the next morning, sprint to the bathroom and watch all of those warm and fuzzy feelings swirl down the toilet. Yes, you have a hangover, possibly the mother of all hangovers and you want to die. Here is what you should expect:

1. Nausea. A lot of nausea, with a side of nausea, is going to make a toilet, sink or bucket the best friend you ever had for the next few hours. If the stars align, you might only feel nauseous and bypass crying over the toilet, but if not, may god have mercy on your soul. Make sure that if you do throw up, eat something. For example: crackers, dry cereal or granola. Believe me, I know that putting food into your mouth is going to be the last thing you ever want to do in life, but dry heaving is worse. Also, taking small sips of water that has a cinnamon stick in it may help to relieve nausea, but if you want to rock it old school, throw an Alka-Seltzer tablet into a cup of water.

2. Headache. Somehow, while you were asleep, your head became home to a very angry midget. Your head is pounding, light and noise have become physically painful and you are beginning to think that the snowplows outside your dorm are run by Satan. Make sure to drink a lot of water, take some Tylenol or ibuprofen, and a multi-vitamin couldn’t hurt. My roommate swears by Gatorade, which is a good way to replenish electrolytes. Try to stay away from coffee however, as it can actually make your headache worse.

3. Hunger. Even though you spent the morning throwing up anything you’ve ever eaten and your head feels like it might actually explode, you are hungry. And you are probably craving some sort of greasy, disgusting, delicious food. I don’t know what it is about greasy food after a night of heavy drinking, but it somehow makes the world a little more livable. Personally, I also find toast to be just as effective, especially if you’re still a bit green around the gills.

4. Irritation. You feel like crap, your entire body hurts and you hate everything. Usually by this point you have sworn off drinking for good, and possibly planned the slow and graphic death of whoever is blasting their bass in the room next to yours. Remember, you did this to yourself, and murder is a crime. The best thing to do is sleep, if you can, keeping some water within reach and just let your body recover.

Hangovers are not a good time for anyone, but they are your body’s way of letting you know it doesn’t appreciate being slowly poisoned. So as always guys, drink responsibly and be careful.

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