Nanooks Hockey gets into CCHA quarter-finals by breaking a few rules

Shaun Nesheim/Fun Star Reporter
April 2, 2013

The weekend series of Mar. 8-10 ended in a loss for the Alaska Nanooks during the Central Collegiate Hockey Association playoffs against the MSU Spartans, not allowing them to compete in the quarter-final matches against the Miami Redhawks.

The Alaska Nanook Hockey team took the MSU Spartan’s spot in the quarterfinals of the CCHA tournament through illegal means. The Nanooks were upset over the loss to the Michigan State Spartans during the Mar. 8 weekend  for the CCHA playoffs at the Carlson Center. Instead of taking this loss negatively, the team picked up their sticks and flew down to Oxford, Ohio for the quarter-final game between the Miami Redhawks and the MSU Spartans.

The Spartans were surprised when the Nanooks burst through the doors to the locker room dressed for a game. “I heard Jake Chelios yell, ‘What’s going on here?’ and I just told him, y’know, ‘We’re here for the cup,’” said sophomore Business Administration student Nolan Kaiser. “They beat us up pretty good in the locker room, a few black eyes and broken noses, but we eventually dragged them all out of there.”

Head Coach Dallas Ferguson talked with some surprised CCHA officials to tell them that the Spartans were “feeling really sick” and that his team was available on-site and “ready to go.”

The Nanooks played the quarter-final game, scoring three goals overall versus Miami’s four goals. The Nanooks scored two goals in the first period and one in the third. Freshman goaltender John Keeney blocked an impressive 42 shots on goal throughout the night.

Although the Nanooks lost to the Redhawks 4-3, they did put on quite a show. “We played well, our defense was up, our offense was up, but it just wasn’t enough this time,” freshman defender Colton Parayko said after the game. “We’ll just keep training hard and try harder next year.”

The CCHA committee contacted the officials for the series after the first game on Friday to tell inform them that the game was unable to be counted for the quarter-final game. They also stated that the Nanooks would be unable to play in Saturaday-night’s game, and further punished them by revoking all privileges to play in any future CCHA games.

“I suppose with this bold move we made this weekend, and the outcome from the committee, it’s a good thing our conferences are changing,” Ferguson said.

This article is satire. It is not intended to be taken seriously.

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