Student Health Center Baffled by Non-Sexually-Transmitted Disease

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  1. April 1, 2014

    […] On Friday afternoon, 19-year-old Daniel Larson admitted himself to UAF’s health clinic complaining of a series of mysterious symptoms. He felt tired, lightheaded, and just a little “funky” in the back of his throat, like a little tickle, according to Larson. A sophomore at UAF eager to mention he’s a business major, Larson astonished the medical staff when he claimed he is a virgin.“We’ve never seen anything like it,” says health center director Amelia Folke. “Our staff can spot a fungal candidiasis rash from a mile away, but we were really thrown by this.”When admitted to the doctor’s office, Larson said the lights were dimmed and a hot white lamp was pointed at his face. “We administered the usual line of questioning: how long have you been sexually active, how many partners have you had, and do you suspect any of them were secretly no-class ladyboy whores' Fairly noninvasive,” Folke explains. Read full article […]

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