Tradition Stone found abandoned at dump

Elika Roohi/Fun Star Reporter
April 2, 2013

The infamous tradition stone was recently discovered abandoned at the transfer station following the candlelight vigil the student activities office hosted two weeks ago.

At the vigil, SAO had decided ahead of time to give the stone to UAF’s Gay-Straight-Alliance to avoid a fight.

According to GSA President Brandy Flores, they drove the stone home with them that night and decided to sell it to fraternity Alpha Phi Omega for $200 of beer in typical tradition stone tradition.

The exchange went well, according to Flores. “We’re throwing a party and everyone is invited,” mentioned GSA member Juan Cruz, who was clearly enjoying the trade.  SAO has offered to provide rainbow beer cozies.

Once APO had the stone, they began to question the worth of a huge cement block.  The brothers discussed the issue and eventually decided to ditch the stone.

“It’s really heavy and it’s not even that cool,” said APO member Jesse Manchester.  “We just got sick of it.”

On Mar. 22 on the way home from the swap for the stone, APO made the decision to get rid of it.  They left it at the transfer station across from the Taku parking lot where it was found several days later by an eager freshman among KSUA playlist CDs and “Finish in Four” coffee cups from Polar Perks.

Freshman Lily Yu brainstormed ways to bring the tradition stone back to her friends in Moore, but eventually gave up on trying to figure how to move a 400 lb. block of cement.

“I guess I see why the frat guys ditched it,” Yu said.  “But what I don’t understand is why no one did it sooner.”

This article is satire. It is not intended to be taken seriously.

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