UAF welcomes a new text-friendly English class

The following article is parody. It is not intended to be taken seriously.

Rebecca Coleman / Fun Star Reporter
April 1, 2011

Txting: The Gr8 Db8 by David Crystal is avlbl @ Amazon 4 $8.63. Ths bk hs ben adptd 4 Eng 275.

Have you ever gotten in trouble for texting in class or sneakily hid your phone under your desk to hold conversations?  Well, stress no more because Richard Carr, the UAF English department chair, announced early this week that there will be a new three-credit English elective that encourages texting.  Texting: English through Modern Technology – ENGL 275 – will be available for Fall 2011.

The course description illustrates the class as stressing the importance of the relationship between modern English grammar and modern technology, claiming that grammar does not have to be thrown out the window just because of limited space.  Since texts are limited to 160 characters, the class will also focus on the successful communication of ideas through brief messages.

To practice these skills, all homework assignments are to be submitted via a single text message.

“We want students to understand the importance of sentence structure, as well as punctuation,” Carr said.  “Most students don’t know how to properly use these elements.  Colons and semicolons, for example, reduce the need for conjunctions, which then saves characters, allowing text messages to contain more content.”

With the growing reliance on texting, it is believed that prior forms of written communication such as letters and emails will become extinct. To further emphasize this point, colleges will soon send out acceptance letters via text to save money and time.

Carr hopes that students will get a chance to practice these business-oriented message types in addition to commonplace, practical messages such as recipes and movie reviews.  It is unknown at this point who will be teaching the class, but the books have been chosen.  For those of you who want to go out and buy them now, “Txting: The Gr8 Db8” by David Crystal is available on Amazon.com for $8.63, and “Textionary” by CL Hogan is available on Amazon.com for $11.15.  Both are eligible for free super saver shipping.

The English department hopes that hundreds of students will take advantage of this class, so there is no limit on the number of students who can sign up. Carr said that if necessary, they can use the Schaible Auditorium and will add as many sections as need be.

For students with iPhones, Carr stressed the importance of proofreading and turning off autocorrect. This came after an incident where a student movie review of “Clash of the Titans” was changed to read “Clash of the Titties?” Another student reported that an acceptance letter from Harvard accidentally read “You’re adopted! :)”

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