Letters to the Editor: October 23, 2012

Re: Letter re: column

Dear Editor,

After reading Jon’s letter from last week’s issue, I found myself absolutely appalled.  Never in my life have I seen such a collection of sexist generalizations in any legitimate publication.  As another male member of the human race, I would like to say that he does not speak for the entirety of the male populace, regardless of sexuality.  His first four points, which can be summed up as “all women are douchebag-loving attention whores,” probably come only from his failures to attract women, which he seems to blame on women’s preferences rather than looking at his own attitude and mentality.  He goes on to tell Ms. Harrison, whom he was addressing in his letter, to spend more time at any bar.  Perhaps Jon should take his own advice and spend time in a different realm of socialization – one that isn’t found in a bar.

In addition, Jon’s seventh point is just as bad as the first four, as he paints a false picture of men everywhere.  He states that all men, upon seeing a member of their preferred sex, instantly think “I would/would not have sex with him/her.”  That is not how all men think.  Rather, that is the kind of thing a douchebag or predator thinks.  Speak for yourself, Jon.  Just because you may think that way does not mean that every man on the face of the Earth thinks like you.

Lastly, I hope you realize how hypocritical your letter is.  You talk about how judging someone by a few paragraphs that they wrote in a college newspaper “precludes any form of respect.”  From your first point, I didn’t respect you.  Yes, I am judging you based on a few paragraphs that you wrote.  When it comes right down to it, people judge what kind of person you are based on outward appearance and your attitude.  Perhaps you should re-evaluate yours.

Chris Wilson

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4 Responses

  1. Cordero Reid says:

    Having following this debate for quite sometime, I would like to say that Mr. Wilson’s comments are a bit unnecessary.
    Mr. Wilson: Your comments are quite hostile for such a proclaimed “white knight” of the male tribe of humanity. I understand your penchant for explaining that all men are not predatory and in fact do not look at every woman and think to themselves “Hey, I want to hit that.” Though, perhaps a bit misguided. But the truth of the matter, subconsciously or consciously we code every one we interact with or see. As human beings we are very sexual and it is only natural that we find others attractive, as it is coded in our own survival instincts. In fact try opening any biology book, while you are at it, make it a bio-psychology one too and read about human sexuality.
    What Mr. Hochendoner was snarkly getting at while addressing Kayla Harisson is the typical young adult attitude in courtship has many if not true stereotypes in college life.
    Which, is in fact what Moral Mildred’s column is about, her life in college and what its like to be a college student from her point of view. I do find it interesting that you expand on some of his points while glossing others that are equally important when you are debasing another’s opinion. You quickly debunk that women not all “… are douche bag-loving attention whores”, which by the way, nice touch with adding “whores” in Mr. Hochendoner’s mouth.
    Assuming his beliefs come from failure and his attitude towards said women is a nice touch just as I called you a white knight earlier as it seems you really felt the need to provide first-aid to women’s beliefs about all men. What he was getting at with the bar comment is that you must observe the social interactions in bars. Most of them have the typical stereotypes, dressed up make up caked on young women on the prowl for testosterone driven alpha males who exhibit certain personality traits deemed undesirable in most of society, but yet attractive in their perspective settings such as a bar. Or in this case a Karaoke bar that is centered around a cowboy western theme on the outskirts of an Army base. The main point driven home by his comments is that chastising Mildred’s actions in said bar by Ms. Harrison assuming that she is inexperienced and does not know her role as a woman was met with disdain and explained by Mr. Hochendoner who said that she was equally out of touch both in respect and as a woman in the 21st century.

  2. Chris Wilson says:

    Mr. Reid:

    I will admit that several of my comments were rather inflammatory, if not unnecessary. And yes, I did glance over several points; I was trying to work within a word limit, which I ended up going over anyway. I could only fully respond to so many points while keeping my letter a reasonable length. Since reading Mr. Hochendoner’s letter, I have been paying attention to what I think when I look at someone. As I tried to touch on at the end of my letter, I did judge a lot of people based on their looks. Most of the time, I was guessing what kind of person they were based on how they dressed. On occasion, I would end up on the sexual thought process, but as you said, that is a part of human biology. I could have phrased what I said better, as I was not trying to say that the thoughts never enter our minds. Rather, I was trying to say that not all lines of thought that form in our heads when we see someone lead to determining whether or not we would have sex with said person. Take a look back at Ms. Mildred’s article. She quickly decides that the man hitting on her is a douchebag. He may not be when he is not at a bar, but first impressions are powerful. The point I wanted to make by saying that we decide what kind of person is that to say that we decide whether or not we would have sex with someone based on first sight is underestimating the entire thought process. Regardless of whether or not all men come to the question of “would I hit that?”, who is to say that, by the same right, women do not do the same thing? Looking at what I said again, it is pretty easy to not see that (I am not even sure if I would catch that, if I was not the one who wrote it).

    You also say that I put the word “whores” in Mr. Hochendoner’s mouth. I did not mean to do that. In hindsight, perhaps my letter has a bad case of poor word choice. Instead of “can be summed up as,” I should have said “can be interpreted as,” since what I wrote was what I got from those first four points. To be honest, I have little experience in terms of social interaction in bars. One of my major reasons for writing in was his sweeping generalizations: every male, every time he sees a member of the sex he’s attracted to, ends up asking himself “would I hit that,” and that every woman loves attention and douchebags. I have seen plenty of posts from women I know on Facebook essentially saying that all men are douchebags and how sick they are of them. I know that not all women think that way, but I figure that the ones that do might take Mr. Hochendoner’s letter as saying that all men are indeed douchebags.

    To return to your saying that I stepped around some of his points, I did so both for the sake of length and because I do not disagree with all of his points. For example, his fifth point says that “Arm chair criticism is useless, and in this case, likely misinformed.” I agree that armchair criticism does not do much to help. And I am lacking knowledge in the realm of socialization he is talking about. The social groups I spend time in do not generally include the people that spend a large amount of time in bars or at parties – I should get out more, too. Do the stereotypes he mentions exist? Absolutely. However, stereotypes should not be applied to the masses. I agree with his ninth point, as well. The article was fairly obviously written with humor in mind. I saw point eight, which I interpret as Mr. Hochendoner saying that Ms. Harrison needs to get laid, as little more than an insult, and not worth expanding on.

    In the end, I would agree that I was far more inflammatory that I should have been. Hell, I probably missed the point at least a little bit, too. I suppose I spend too much time on the internet, where a good portion of people who make the same sort of points that Mr. Hochendoner does at the start of his letter to Ms. Harrison seem to blame it on their getting “friendzoned” by girls who only date douchbags then wonder why they cannot find any good men. We make judgments based on the people we spend time around, so if Mr. Hochendoner spends most of his time around douchebags and the women that are attracted to them, I can understand why he would make such generalizations. Do I think it’s the proper thing to do? I think I’ve demonstrated that I do not. But I believe it is fair to say that everyone applies their experiences to other people to fill in holes in what they know about them at some point or another.

  3. Jon Hochendoner says:

    Back pedal any faster and you might fall on your ass Chris. I think you missed the point by more than just a little bit.

  4. Kayla Harrison says:

    Chris Wilson: way to go! Don’t apologize for being inflammatory, that’s the name of the game with this argument, right? The 250 word limit sucks and I know that mine sounded way harsher than my rough draft, but I got my points across and I have no apologies. Stick to your guns.

    Cordero Reid: My typical “young adult” view of relationships? You don’t know me and you don’t know my perspective, so aren’t you the one making unnecessary and inflammatory comments? I was saying don’t go to a bar, get trashed, and hook up in the back of a car and try playing it off like it’s typical college life. It’s dangerous, especially in a town with a military base so close by. I’ve gone to bars to socialize, I’ve gotten numbers while at bars before, I’ve even dated a guy I met at a bar — so don’t assume that you have any idea about my views on courtship, because you obviously seem as misguided in your opinions as you claim Chris Wilson is.

    I understand that you and Jon Hochendoner obviously believe certain stereotypes about women, just as women have stereotypes for men…especially at this age when most actions regarding sexual interaction are dictated by hormones. But that doesn’t mean ALL actions are dictated by hormones, which is what I think you seem to be misunderstanding. My belief in this is, again, is not a young adult perspective. And are you judging based on my age? My “young adult perspective” sounds way more matured, researched, and experienced than yours does. Furthermore, recognizing that a dude’s a tool and not falling for stupid BS at a bar does not make me misinformed, it means I actually choose to interact with guys of substance.

    I don’t think Chris Wilson was playing the role of “white knight” for siding with me. Like I was, he was a victim of the 250 word limit. And if you have qualms with my piece, why are you arguing with Wilson instead of me? You want to discuss human biology and psychology? Let’s go, I’ll tear you up.

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