My Life in College: The perils of being sick

Moral Mildred/Sun Star Columnist
October 23, 2012

This week I learned that I will never eat Chinese food ever again. One of my roommates had her 25th birthday party, so to celebrate her turning a quarter of a century old, we all went out to Pagodas. Previous to that fateful day, I loved Chinese food. And Pagodas is pretty delicious.

Later that evening, while we were getting ready to watch the third installment of Paranormal Activity in preparation for the new release, I started to feel sick. Hoping it would pass, I went to bed early. My hope was in vain, I spent the next 7 hours on my knees in the bathroom, hating everything and everyone. I have had the distinct pleasure of food poisoning once before in my life, but this particular bout of it was the worst thing to ever happen to my digestive track.

My roommates were really supportive, getting me wet towels and glasses of water. At one point they took up seats in the tub and watched me empty everything I have ever eaten in my life into the toilet bowl. I would have offered to make them some popcorn, but I couldn’t speak around the regurgitated Chinese food.

Eventually they went to bed and left me to suffer in relative peace. This is when the real fun began, as my sickness began to move south. I “won the lottery” so to speak, in the sense that I suddenly had to make a decision on which half of me got to the toilet. Thankfully, the tub was directly next to the toilet, since I had no idea where I could find a bucket.

The next morning my roommate drove me back to the dorms for a continuation of the night before. We took along an emergency roll of toilet paper, just in case I was going to have to further debase myself on the side of road. Being sick in general is awful. However being sick in the dorms is a special kind a purgatory. I have a toilet in my dorm room, which is a small blessing, but four girls and one bathroom is tricky business without the added bonus of vomit. I obviously had dibs, but a couple times I thought we were going to have to reenact the bridal store scene in the movie “Bridesmaids.”

Monday was a haze of bodily fluids. And then food poisoning stuck again. Both of my other roommates, the two that shared my meal, also got sick. By this point, I was feeling better, and had absolutely no sympathy for anyone. It was like watching myself, only better. Mostly because it wasn’t me making a make-shift bed on the bathroom floor.

In all honesty, our room was basically a giant gastroenteritis fest for most of this week. We were all super attractive, I swear. For anyone who could hear us, as the walls in this dorm are not overly thick, I apologize. Just be thankful it wasn’t happening to you, because I’m convinced that–if there is one– instead of burning eternally in hell, people just suffer from food poisoning.

A lot of people have been sick recently around campus, with colds and other nasty viruses. So stay healthy, guys. Don’t share your drinks and for the love of all that is good in the world, don’t eat sweet and sour chicken. It might taste like the best parts of everything going down, but not so much coming back up.

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